Helpful Ways to Improve Your Sleep
- Catherine Nasskau
- Jun 24
- 8 min read
Updated: Jun 26
If you struggle with sleep...
The main thing to remember if you're struggling with sleep is to try and be kind to yourself, and patient. Sleep is an increasingly common problem, but something that is impossible to force. It can help to consider there are many other people in the world who are also struggling with sleep at exactly the same time as you are. You are not alone.
I'd firstly like to remind you to do what works for you in terms of use of caffeine, alcohol, food, screens, light in the bedroom, naps and sleep times. I always have my eye mask ready to put on when the light wakes me at 5am in the summer, and my headphones in case I want to listen to something to help with sleep.
When I'm having difficulty sleeping, this is what I usually do at first:
Take a few deep slow breaths. Possibly Straw Breathing (in through the nose, out through the mouth as if blowing bubbles through a straw); or what I call 4/6 breathing - breathing in to a count of 4, out to a count of 6 - possibly holding the breath for a count of 4 between each in and out-breaths.
I don't recommend doing these for too long as they can make you feel dizzy - just long enough to help you calm down a little.
See if there are any areas in the body that are tense - jaw, shoulders, or simply holding hands tight - see if I can relax physically.
Check I am in my best position to sleep - make myself as comfy as possible.
What I do next depends on how I am feeling.
If I am stressed or upset about anything, I would do a meditation for strong emotions, (possibly a 'thoughts' meditation).
If my mind is particularly busy, I will grab my headphones and listen to a recording of a guided meditation. Get in touch if you would like free access to my recorded meditations. Or you might like to try the one below.
Once I have acknowledged and given space to whatever emotions have come to visit, if I am still awake I will move onto a breath meditation or a ‘Kindly Awareness’ practice. If doing a certain meditation is waking me up more, or leading me to unhelpful thoughts or feelings, I will stop it and try a different meditation.
(I sometimes listen to a radio drama that I know really well, or a type of bedtime story - it needs to be something I don’t get too involved in.)
If I am reasonably calm but just very awake, or have a busy mind, I will do various breathing meditations, or a Body Scan or Self-compassion practice - if I stick with these for long enough, bringing my mind back when it wanders, at some point I will fall asleep. I try to stay relaxed about being awake, as stressing about being so tired the next day never helps. Even if I am not asleep, I tell myself I am relaxing my mind and body.
How we can help
I run 4-week, online Sleep Improvement courses, usually Tuesdays, 7-8pm, to help with all sleep issues. Get in touch if you'd like to know more about the course or to book a place.
Meditations and videos
You can find my latest meditations to help with sleep on our YouTube channel here:
Enjoy listening to guided meditations? Please subscribe to our channel for more mindfulness and meditation content:
How to help yourself
Grounding meditation
Focus on sensations in your feet, then where the body is in contact with what you are lying or sitting on, then your hands. Getting the awareness into the body, away from the head, is a helpful way to bring yourself to the present, to let go of all the thinking.
When your mind wanders, take a moment to consider what type of thinking you were caught up in, and label it - planning, worrying, day-dreaming, ruminating, or just thinking.
Just use one word as a label, and then gently escort your mind back to its intended focus. If your mind wanders 1,000 times, simply bring it back 1,000 times!
It is the ‘bringing back’, when you step away from your thoughts and choose not to engage with them, that is the heart of mindfulness training, and a skill that can be so useful when dealing with a busy mind or other difficulties.
Breath meditations
Start by connecting with the physical sensations in the body, wherever you feel it most - nose, throat, chest, tummy area.
The main focus is on feeling the changing sensations in the body as you breath. Use phrases to help you focus, with loner phrases if your mind is busier. No need to change your breath - if it is fast and shallow, just observe that. It might change as you feel into it.
Phrases:
Breathing in/out
In/out
Here’s an in-breath, it feels like this; here’s an out-breath, it feels like this
Expanding/contacting, rising/falling - words that match your actual physical experience
Receiving, letting go; coming/going – following breath, mind’s eye down to lungs
Counting breaths up to 5. Ie, Inhaling 1, Exhaling 1; Inhaling 2, exhaling 2 - up to 5, and then start again.
Square/Box breathing
Picture a square or rectangle, or even look at a shape with corners and straight lines, or a window. Breathe in, starting at one corner, then follow the line with your mind’s eye to the next corner; breathe out as you go to the next corner. If you are stressed, have a rectangle and breathe out along the long sides - when we are stressed we do not breathe out so much, so this can help.
Notice how it feels whether you are going up or down, or which direction. The more you can be interested in your breath and the exercise, the less you are likely to be caught up in thoughts.
Strong emotions and physical pain
If you’re feeling upset, anxious, angry, lonely, sad, or other unpleasant emotions - start by taking time to acknowledge what is here. Maybe say to yourself, ‘This is what …. feels like’.
If it is too upsetting to linger with, I suggest taking your awareness to your breath or to explore sensations in the feet.
But it can be very helpful to see if you can lean towards the emotion (rather than our usual human habit of trying to push it away. It is a lot simpler to just let anxiety be there, than to try and persuade yourself all will be fine.). Once you have labelled the emotion, consider if there is an echo in the body.
The approach to unpleasant emotions is similar to coping with physical pain.
Be curious. Where exactly are you feeling anything connected to this emotion or the pain? How do you know you are feeling whatever it is?
Zoom in, if it feels like tightness or tingling, what do you mean - a sense of pressure, a pulse, sense of heat, stabbing? Is it changing as you zoom in?
Can you imagine breathing towards the area of pain or the echo of the emotion?
Maybe saying the words, ‘Allow, allow’ - even if you do not feel you mean it!
If you have physical pain, what emotions are present connected to this - fear, anger, boredom?
See if you can imagine holding the emotion, soothing it, as if you are holding a pet or child, with kindness and care.
Not trying to get rid of it.
Holding the emotion, rather than it holding you.
When I am anxious or have another unpleasant emotion, I find it helps to place my hand on my chest and say, sometimes out loud, ‘Holding my anxiety with kindness and care’.
(I did that for about an hour once before getting a night train on my own in Vietnam - it really helped. While I imagined holding my anxiety against my chest, I was able to go shopping in a lovely shop and actually enjoy a taxi drive in the dark to the station. Much easier than if I had tried to reassure myself all would be fine! Which of course it was!)
If you don’t want to lean into the emotion, you could try:
Mantras - saying the following to yourself as you breathe in and out:
‘I am calm, tranquil; at ease, resting deeply here’ - even if you do not feel this!
Breathing in calm, breathing out letting go/be.
Breathing in self-compassion, ‘May I be calm, at ease.’
Or, ‘In the midst of this, may I be patient, kind to myself’
Visualisations
The following exercises do not resonate with everyone as our brains are all different. But I like to include them as they can be helpful, and they make a change from just focusing on the breath and body.
Directional breathing - imagine sending the breath down an arm and leg in turn, breathing towards the finger tips etc, maybe even to one finger at a time. Kind of follow it with tour mind’s eye.
Possibly imagining you are filling the body with a warm glow.
Finger breathing - imagine each breath going up and down each finger in turn; going up towards a finger tip as you breathe in, then down as you breathe out. Kind of follow the breath with your mind’s eye - bringing the mind back when it wanders. Maybe tap each finger a little as you do it.
I also like to spell words, saying each letter a few times as the breath goes up and down a finger - any words that help you relax. Ones I use are sleep, relax, let go, peace, ease, calm. As with all of these, experiment and see what works for you.
Beach visualisation - imagine you are on a beautiful sandy beach, with gentle waves lapping up and down.
1. Imagine and picture your finger slowly writing words like sleep in the sand. Then see your hand wiping the sand flat, and start again. And just keep repeating this.
2. Or with breathing, picture the waves coming up and down in time with your breath. (I vary where I imagine myself standing with this - either on the sand looking out to sea, or in the water up to my shins, looking towards the waves going up the beach as I breathe in and out.)
Gratitude practice
I try to do a gratitude practice each night before going to sleep.
However, before focusing on what went well in a day, it’s important to take a moment to acknowledge anything that was annoying about the day, or if I’m feeling at all agitated or upset. I might not need to do that, but the gratitude part works better if I have acknowledged anything that is unpleasant first.
My nightly practice is to bring to mind ten things I am grateful for, and I keep count by tapping each finger against my body. This also helps me linger with them. Some people write a few things down in a little book each night, as a gratitude practice. Focusing on what went well or what we can appreciate can be a great way to end the day.
I hope some of these techniques help
If you’d like to listen to any of my guided meditations for sleep, they are on the Mindful Surrey YouTube channel. Or if you’d like to practise any of this in a live online session with me, come along to an online drop-in session, usually Tuesdays, 9-10am, and some Thursdays, 7-8pm. There is also our 4-week online Sleep Improvement course on Tuesday evenings.
I’d love to hear what you find useful, and also any other techniques you have for sleep.
Best wishes, Catherine
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