Anxiety Toolbox – Simple Steps to Reduce Anxiety

As I’m about to embark on a 9-week trip to South East Asia, I thought it might be a good time to write a blog post about anxiety!

I've found mindfulness approaches and meditations extremely helpful for managing strong emotions for many years, and I've no doubt I’ll make the most of my mindfulness toolbox in the next few months.

I run weekly online drop-in sessions in which we explore these approaches and practise simple meditations to help with anxiety. I’ll be running some from Asia so if you’d like to explore these techniques from the safety of your home, get in touch to reserve a place.

If you’d simply like access to some guided meditations, please click here.

Anxiety is a very common experience for people of all ages these days, and something we often explore in our drop-in sessions. There are various approaches, and choosing which will be most helpful might depend on our mood, whether we’re in public, and how much time we have.

Here are my favourites.

Quick, immediate practices

1.      Breathe – sometimes at times of stress I just hear myself saying, “Get some air”; I then take a few slow, deep breaths, perhaps feeling sensations in my chest or tummy.

2.      Once I have recognised I am stressed, I might take a few longer breaths when I breathe out for longer than I breathe in. Breathing in through the nose and out through the mouth (through pursed lips), making a sighing sound if on my own. When we’re stressed, we don’t breathe out so much, so consciously doing so can calm us down. Putting my hand on my chest also helps, as that is where I feel stress; but putting your hand wherever you personally feel stress is the main thing, and for some people it is in their tummy or throat.

3.      My next emergency action is to feel some part of my body, ideally my feet and sensations of the feet against whatever they are touching. Or whatever my hands and arms are touching, noticing sensations coming and going – getting the attention out of my head and having a pause from whatever I’m anxious about. Or if I’m on my own, to shake my hands, as if shaking out the tension.

4.      Some people like to look at something in nature, like a tree, or listen to sounds, as a way of stepping back from the stress.

Breathing exercises for anxiety

5.      One quick breathing exercise to calm me down is Box or Square Breathing (where you imagine your breath going along lines of a square, aiming to reach the corners at the ends of the breath).

This is good if your breathing is fast and shallow.

Just keep your attention on picturing the lines as your breath whizzes around the square.

It’s also good to make it a rectangle, and breathe out for the longer lines. If your brain doesn’t visualise things easily, then do it with your eyes open and look round anything with straight lines and corners.

Stop if it makes you feel giddy or dizzy. Change direction to keep your interest – and just keep bringing your mind when it keeps rushing off.

I call this my ‘Turbulence meditation’ and do it on planes if it gets at all bumpy, to cope with any catastrophising before it takes a grip. (My palms are almost getting sweaty just imagining this. It’s such a shame I so enjoy going to places that involve flights!)

6.      Another exercise to encourage us to breathe out for longer than we breathe in is to count when you breathe in, and then breathe out to a longer number. Ie, Breathe in to 3 and out to 5, or in to 7 and out for 10. You can also hold the breathe as you count; ie, in for 4, hold for 4, out for 4.

Longer meditations and practices for anxiety

Turning towards our experience

The next approaches are things I do when I have more time and am probably on my own. This might be when trying to go to sleep or simply walking along.

Acceptance precedes change – what we resist persists.

The main practice of mindfulness is to allow our experience to be as it is, and to bring a kindly curiosity to it, whether it is pleasant or unpleasant. As humans, our tendency is to try and push unpleasant feelings away, to get rid of them or get them to stop. This takes a lot of effort and usually just adds to the stress. We can get caught up in ruminating and trying to persuade ourselves to feel better. It is much simpler and quicker to let the feelings be. At times, no  amount of reassuring thoughts will take my anxiety away; even if it might lessen for a moment, it might then come charging back a moment later.

The more at ease I can learn to be with unpleasant feelings (such as fear, anger, disappointment, pain, sadness etc), the calmer I am when they occur. By relaxing, I might then find myself in a calmer frame of mind and more able to make creative, wise choices to deal with the situation. At the very least, it can help dramatically to have a pause from the resistance and struggle with the emotions.

The key is remembering it is OK not to like things when they are unpleasant. If I can bring myself to consider that whatever is happening is an opportunity to practise being at ease with the unpleasant, and that it is actually useful experience, it takes the edge off the anxiety. I might say the following to myself when I’m feeling anxious, at the same time as taking slow, deep breaths:

“It’s OK not to like this. No action needed right now”.

(Thanks to Mark Williams for those  phrases).

Or

“This is what anxiety feels like.”

And then exploring how it feels in the body.

There are however times when that approach might not be helpful – I don’t think I’d be able to convince myself of that when high up in the air – and at those times, I would use a different approach to calm my anxiety.

Mindfulness just means being aware of what’s going on. Once we’re aware, we can make choices about how to deal with it. And taking my attention down to my feet, talking to someone, trying to watch a film or do a Sudoku might be the most helpful things for me to do. (You might realise I’m referring to flying a lot. If on the ground, there are other things I might do to take my mind off the difficulty.).

Mindfulness doesn’t mean we have to feel our feelings all the time. It is not always appropriate, and we do not always have the energy or resilience to go towards these unpleasant feelings. The Body Scan is a useful meditation for many reasons, one of which is we develop the ability to move our attention to where we want to put it, and to bring it back there when we get distracted.

“Welcome to the party”

I have written more about this approach in a previous blog, which you can read here.

I find this phrase and idea tremendously useful. The idea is that anything and everything is welcome, and we can be an affable host. Our anxiety and other emotions are simply guests, and we can welcome them in – even the ones we do not like. We can welcome someone to a party even if we rather wish they had not come, and it is fine if it feels a bit fake when you first say it!

By opening my arms and allowing everything in, it gives me a sense of strength. Otherwise I am simply at the mercy of these unpleasant experiences that are tossing me about.

We can learn to have and to hold our anxiety, rather than be in its grip, and let it have us.

I have noticed recently that I have a common afterthought that pops up automatically sometimes when I remind myself to welcome whatever it is to the party. This is, “You must be joking”. The fearful child in me might repeat, “That’s a stupid idea – this is too big.”

To which my wiser self replies something like, “Just try it, just say Welcome to the party.”

I begrudgingly agree, “OK. Hello fear/anger/pain etc. Welcome to the party. Come in, make yourself at home. Have a seat, have a drink”.

Even if I am talking (to myself, but sometimes out loud if on my own and need to be firm with my anxious child), in a grumpy, unwelcoming tone, usually after a while the approach starts to do its magic. I lighten up, and feel empowered. I just have to keep remembering it’s OK not to like these intrusive visitors. I can keep saying 'welcome'.

I sometimes imagine the emotions are little beings, always half my height, and I am holding hands with them. I might even walk along holding my hands a little away from my body as if holding hands with children. And when more than two appear, I might say, “Hello Boredom/Anger/Terror. Go and hold hands with Fear.” I might have a whole string of little emotion beings holding hands with each other.

You might be thinking I am somewhat strange with these ideas, but they definitely help. It is probably my theatre background, but I find it useful to enact what people have used as an approach to managing strong emotions for hundreds of years.

I’d like to share a passage is from Three Steps to Awakening: A Practice for Bringing Mindfulness to Life by Larry Rosenberg, which fits with these ideas.

“The ancient Chinese used the image of the host to describe the observing, stable meditator.

Many guests visit the host.

Some are invited, and they tend to be kind, charming and a pleasure to entertain.

Others are not invited: they are drunk, unruly, and eat all the food.

Or they stand around, staring into space.

If you become so absorbed in the behaviours of the guests

that you forget you’re in charge,

you’re no longer the host.

Can you stay awake in the face of all the diverse visitors who come and go?

This is your practice when you sit.

To be the host.

To be awareness itself.”

Meditations to help embrace our anxiety

Meditations such as ‘Facing difficulties’ are excellent to practise being with anxiety.

It is always helpful to take our awareness into the body when the mind wants to go into overdrive. I will ask myself where I feel sensations in the body that are an echo of what I’m feeling. Then explore these sensations with a friendly curiosity, staying in the present moment with what is happening in the body. Really zoom in. Rather than just note ‘tightness’, explore what is the actual sensation – tingling, stabbing, an ache, a pressure, sense of heat, and what size area is it, is it changing as you zoom in?

Once you have named the main emotion, see if you can imagine holding it as you might hold a child or animal that in injured, holding it to yourself – instead of our usual tendency to try and push it away.

Phrases I like to use:

‘May I hold my anxiety with kindness and care’

‘Holding my anxiety with kindness and care’

‘For whatever I’m feeling, may I hold it with kindness’.

Soothing touch gestures

We are not often brought up to care for ourselves with simple gestures, so it can feel a bit strange at first. But these moves can be soothing, and it can feel good to know we are doing our best to care for ourselves.

Here are simple gestures to help nurture yourself in times of difficulty:

1.      Massage your shoulders, and whatever parts of your back you can reach.

2.      Hold your head by putting your wrists together below your chin, and holding your cheeks in the palms of your hands. Rest your elbows on a table and try and let your head relax into being held.

3.      Rubbing your hands together to get them warm, then placing your palms over your eyes.

4.      Stroke one hand and feel the sensation of being stroked.

5.      Give yourself a hug.

Simple anxiety meditation

This is one I use when flying, but can be used at any time or with any unpleasant emotion.

1.      Take a few deep breaths, and acknowledge whatever emotion is here.

2.      Bring your attention to sensations in the body where it is in contact with the floor, what you might be sitting on, what your hands are touching.

3.      Note any places in the body where it is tense, and see if you can relax these places.

4.      Bring your awareness to sounds – try to stay with the essence of the sounds and not get caught up in any thoughts about them.

5.      Bring awareness to your breath – using ideas described above.

6.      Bring some compassion to your experience:

Remember you are not alone, others are feeling just as you are.

Repeat these phrases to yourself, changing the words to ones that resonate:

-          May I be safe and protected.

-          May I be peaceful.

-          May I be at ease.

-          May I be …. – (Use your own word – calm, accepting, patient, kind to myself.)

-          With whatever I’m feeling, may I hold this too with kindness and care.

7.      Focus again on your breathing, and consider what might be a nurturing thing to do next.

Mountain meditation

This is a fantastic meditation to use in challenging times. You imagine yourself as a strong, powerful, magnificent mountain, that barely changes its shape whatever the weather.

The mountain can simply sit, abiding the changes in weather and seasons (your emotions),

or when grumpy tourists chatter about it not being a good day to visit the mountain, (your thoughts). Can you sit, mountain-like, abiding it all?

Maybe saying to yourself, ‘I am a mountain’.

Everything else is simply the weather.

It is handy to practise this meditation when you’re feeling calm so you’re ready to use it when needed. Sometimes just saying to myself, ‘I am a mountain’ can help. It's a great meditation to develop a sense of resilience and strength.

To sum up

If in doubt, simply breathe, feeling the sensations in your body.

Remember to be kind to yourself.

And sometimes doing something completely different is helpful. I’ve just been singing very loudly to the radio while cooking which was a great distraction from wondering how to avoid typhoons and landslides that I might be coming across this time next week!

Sometimes it is wise to remove ourselves from a situation that causes anxiety or danger.

The challenge is knowing when to do so, or when to allow it all in.

I’ll end with one of my favourite poems, written by Rumi about 500 years ago. It reminds me that struggling with what it is to be human is not new – coping with anxiety is clearly part of what it is to be human.

Take care, and do get in touch if you’d like to come to a drop-in, do a course or access the meditations.

Best wishes,

Catherine

The Guesthouse

This being human is a guest house.

Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,

some momentary awareness comes as an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!

Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows,

who violently sweep your house empty of its furniture,

still, treat each guest honourably.

They may be clearing you out for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice.

meet them at the door laughing,

and invite them in.

Be grateful for whoever comes,

because each has been sent as a guide from beyond.

Rumi