The anxiety of New Year resolutions

And the key to setting stress-free goals!

Every January, we’re sometimes fired up to craft ambitious resolutions with genuine enthusiasm. Yet by February, many of us find ourselves trapped in the familiar cycle of lost motivation and missed milestones that leave us feeling stressed and sheepish.

This isn’t a failure of willpower. It’s the inevitable outcome of approaching goal setting as a zero-sum game where anything less than perfection is considered a failure. The answer to stress-free new year’s resolutions this year could just be self-compassion.

The cost of a perfection mindset

Modern business culture primes us for all-or-nothing thinking. We celebrate those unicorn success stories and 10x growth while quietly dismissing steady incremental progress as insufficient. This creates what psychologists call a perfectionist’s trap, where goals exist in binary states of complete success or complete failure with no meaningful middle ground.

Maggie Morrow, award-winning Psychotherapist, Counsellor and Life Coach at KlearMinds explains there are several potential causes for perfectionism: “caused by a fear of judgement, or a way of avoiding any disapproval from others. Early childhood experiences, such as having parents who communicate unrealistic expectations could play a role. If you believe that your self-worth is based on achievements, perfectionism may find fertile ground to develop”.

The real damage occurs when we tie our identity with the outcomes of our goals. When hitting our goals becomes proof of our competence, it creates an anxiety engine that constantly runs in the background.

Introducing mindful acceptance as the solution

The antidote to perfectionism isn’t lowering your standards but cultivating mindful acceptance. This is a strategic practice that dramatically reduces performance anxiety and can even help improve outcomes.

Acceptance means acknowledging the reality exactly as it is without immediately resisting or judging it. Arlin Cuncic describes radical acceptance as “an intention of not allowing pain to turn into suffering. This means watching your thoughts and feelings to identify when you are allowing yourself to feel worse than is necessary”.

For example, when you notice you’re exhausted, when you recognise you only have three hours of focused time available, when you see that the market conditions have shifted, acceptance means seeing these truths clearly and being honest with yourself.

This clarity might initially seem like you’ve failed at your goals, but it gives you a strategic advantage. The mental energy most people waste on resisting reality, on thinking "this shouldn't be happening" or "I should be further along", becomes available for effective problem-solving. You're no longer fighting two battles simultaneously: one against the challenges and another against your internal resistance to those challenges.

In its place, success emerges from present-focused action rather than anxious striving. When you accept your current constraints, you can work within them far more effectively, whereas when you resist reality, you're constantly expending effort on things you can’t change.

How to approach resilient goal setting

Create your own satnav

Tailoring your goals to you and your life can lower the stress. Draw a circle and split it into eight sections. Under each one, write the key areas of your life that are most important to you, such as family, health, career and so on. Then, on a scale of 1-10, mark each section with how happy you are with the current state of them, with 1 being completely unhappy and 10 being you don’t want to change anything.

It gives you an indication of the areas of your life that are a priority, so you don’t become overwhelmed trying to work on everything at once. It also gives you a moment to think about what success looks like to you, or what would help take that section to a 10.

Stop and pause

When the pressure builds and you find yourself getting overwhelmed by your goals, use the STOP technique. Stop what you're doing, Take a deliberate breath, Observe your current state without judgement, and Proceed with intentional action. Taking a mindful pause interrupts the anxiety spiral before it affects your decision-making. It creates space between the goal and your efforts.

Celebrate along the way

Incremental celebration shifts the reward system from distant outcomes to daily actions, which keeps you motivated. Instead of fixating on distant, large-scale results, celebrate the small, consistent behaviours that drive your wider aims.

These examples illustrate the  importance of small wins:

Relationship Goal: Instead of obsessing over how to improve your marriage as a whole, celebrate the fact you've initiated a focussed 30 minute, tech-free conversation with your partner today.

Physical Health Goal: Rather than fixating on your ultimate key weight, acknowledge that you packed a healthy lunch for work, and enjoyed a 20 minute walk during your break.

Personal Growth Goal: Don’t wait to celebrate once you’ve finished the book you’ve been reading, simply recognise the achievement of dedicating 15 minutes of uninterrupted reading time within your busy schedule. All of these reinforce the behaviours that drive results, with a consistent, positive mindset sustaining your motivation. 

Embrace the twists and turns

Seeing the road ahead to reaching your goals makes things feel more achievable, but in embracing radical acceptance, you also understand that the road to success won’t be straight or simple. As with every road, you’re going to face twists, turns, and roadblocks that will hinder your progress or halt it completely. These detours are opportunities for growth and reflection on whether the end goal is even what you still want. You might find a better path to reach your resolutions or head in a new direction entirely that’s better suited to you.

Mindful acceptance creates a buffer between ambition and anxiety. You can still aim high and create bold visions for the year ahead but also acknowledge limitations when they arise and celebrate imperfect progress. As you move through this year, remember that the goal isn’t to eliminate resolutions and goals but stop anxiety distorting how you feel about the outcome. When you accept where you are and the growth you’ve made, no matter how small, you gain the clarity and energy to move towards where you want to be.

Mindfulness course and weekly support group

If you want to develop effective strategies to help you achieve your goals or to cope with challenges you're facing, you might like to take our next online, 8-week Mindfulness Stress Reduction course. It starts on Jan 31st, with classes on Saturdays, 9.30-11.30am.

More information can be found about the course here.

There are a few spaces left so get in touch soon if you're interested.

If you do not have the time or interest in doing a course, our online drop-in sessions might be suitable.

Tuesdays, 9-10am, come when you like.

We have a small friendly group and it's an opportunity to learn how to be kinder to yourself, to cope with the ups and downs of life, and to get support with your goals.

More information about the drop-in sessions can be found here.

Get in touch to discuss how we can help with any challenges you might be facing, your desires and hopes for 2026, or to book a course or free trial session.

We wish you all the very best for the year ahead.